“The Lazy Factor: Why Most People Stay Miserable Rather Than Change”

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Many people wish that things were different in their lives, but they don’t necessarily want to actively go through the process of change.

Let’s face it. That process involves work. That process involves changing things you are currently doing. It involves getting out of your comfort zone. It probably involves changing how you live your life and maybe even who you spend time with.

Thanks sounds like an awful lot of effort to get to a different place in your life, doesn’t it? I mean, is it really worth it? Well, you just figured out why so many people stay with someone they’re unhappy with; continue to work in a job they are unsatisfied with; or never pursue a passion they are truly interested in doing.

Just call it “the Lazy Factor.” Most people choose to continue to suffer in their own mediocrity because they assume it’s too much work to change the circumstances that they live in or with.

I used to be that exact person. I’ll admit it. I endured horrific challenges at a job that I actually enjoyed, but spent time there with some of the most toxic people I had ever been around in my life. The money was good and I did get satisfaction out of the work that I was doing. It was just having to deal with my boss and co-workers that gave me perpetual heartburn, sad to say.

It was only until I started reading lots of self-development books, listened to hundreds of hours of motivational tapes and CD’s and began working with a life coach that I started to realize, I really do deserve better than what I was allowing to happen to me. My perspective changed. I understood I was attracting those circumstances and those people into my life. I was settled into the victim role. I realized how angry and how much of a victim I chose to be myself. I was choosing to stay in that job, with those circumstances, for nine years.

I finally had decided it was much more painful to continue to live like that then it would be to start taking all the steps to change my life for the better. That’s usually what happens, when you know you’re ready for the change. I so desperately wanted to be rid of the negativity of those people with whom I was spending 40 hours a week, every week…of every month…of every year….for 9 years!!!

Once I made the decision to quit and move on to something different, things began to change for the better almost immediately. I later realized that by releasing my enormous burden of negative energy and bad juju, all the “good” now had room to pour into my life. My only question to myself was, “Why hadn’t I done this sooner?”

Well, like everyone else, I was lazy. I thought it would be too much work, too much effort, to try to change. I also had a fear of the unknown. Should I leave this great paying job with stability to move into something which could potentially backfire?

Then it occurred to me. All of those thoughts were just that….thoughts. They were nothing more than stories and ideas of potential outcomes that I was making up in my own head. Why did they all have to be negative? My new attitude was that I was able to identify those negative thoughts and was able to flip them around. What if this is the best thing I could do for myself? Why have I waited so long to start being nice to myself?

When we can look at the potential outcomes of a current (and perhaps, negative) situation, it behooves us to focus on all of the potential positive possibilities instead. Fear tends to lead us to think of all the negative options. That is a habit that most people have learned. That is what most of us have been exposed to all of our lives. This is where a new habit of focusing on positive effects begin.

When you can shift your thoughts to “positive” rather than “negative,” the energy you put out, and consequently, the energy that you begin attracting, also becomes more positive. Decide if you wish to continue to suffer in mediocrity or if you would rather live a life of unlimited, amazing, prosperous potential instead. As with everything else, it is YOUR choice.


“3 Things You Can Do Right Now to Start Feeling More Successful”

I have one question for you.  Do you feel successful right now?  If not, do you know why not?snoopy charlie brown

Many people feel they aren’t as successful in their personal and professional lives as they would like to be. Once you begin to accomplish certain things (and it’s different for everyone), you may start to feel like you are becoming a success.

So what is that magic bullet? To be honest, it’s different for everyone. However, there are a number of things you can do, starting right now, to begin feeling more successful. Once you get started, the rest can more easily fall into place.

1. Define what success means to you. This one sounds like a no-brainer, but it is a step that many people do not take the time to think about. Each of us has our own definition of success, and it will change according to where you are in your life and what activity you are thinking about at the time. So, before you continue feeling as if life has let you down, think about what it is that you want more success with right now. Is it a relationship? A job? A hobby? A different type of pursuit? Next, project yourself into the future and see yourself as a “success” at what you wanted. What does that look like for you? For some, it may mean a particular job title. For others, it may mean earning a certain amount of money. For an athlete, it may be accomplishing a specific time for an event. Whatever your future success looks like, you can now work backwards and begin to form a plan to get there. And remember, moving forward towards your goals is already accomplishing something and therefore, being successful at what you are desiring.

2. If you are not thinking and speaking positively about your future success, change the words you use and the mindset you have into believing you are a success right now. If you continually use negative words and have negative thoughts now, you will have a much more difficult time to begin moving yourself into your success. Tell yourself you have more than what it takes. Let yourself know, everyday, how you are completely capable of accomplishing what it is that you want. Decide now that you are going to do what it is you are setting out to do. Be your own biggest cheerleader and know that you are able to achieve whatever success you desire.

3. Be grateful for everything and everyone you find along your path to success. See everything as opportunities, not obstacles, as you travel that journey. Remember that life happen for us, not to us. When you can begin to see the events along the way as steppingstones to your success and be grateful for all of them, your mindset will change and allow for even more opportunities and success to come to you. Opening yourself up to gratitude and viewing the world as your “oyster of all possibilities” will enable you to see beyond your previous limiting views and start to embrace those things which you may not immediately recognize as things you need to experience. Expressing gratitude is another way to staying positive along your path.

Knowing what you want, staying positive and being grateful are things that anyone can do, starting right now. Is it easy to do? Yes. Is it easy not to do? Yes. But like other habits, following these three simple strategies is something to get you started on your path to success.

Tanya Lelo, Certified Professional Life Coach
River of Opportunities, LLC

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Defining Your Success

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How do you know when you are a “success”?

I’ve coached and spoken to many people who openly question the fact that they are successful, whether in business, relationships, financially or even as a human being. They may feel they are failing at one or more of these areas in their lives and it consequently takes its toll in others areas.

Of course, my next comment for them is: “Define success.” That’s where I start getting strange looks and long periods of silence, usually followed by a “What do you mean ‘how do I define success?’ Success means being successful.”

Most people who feel they are unsuccessful in life are usually missing something. And what they’re usually missing is their own understanding of what success means to them. If we take our queue from what others wish us to be, have or do in life, then not living up to someone else’s expectations can lead one to believe that one is a disappointment or a failure, i.e. unsuccessful. However, that is not the case at all.

First of all, failure is an event, not a person. Second, once you can stop living your life to make someone else happy, you have started on the road to your own success, in more ways than you could possibly know.

By living your life according to your own terms, you can begin to realize what your true passions are, what brings joy to your life, what makes your heart sing, and what makes you truly happy. In other words, living the life you feel you were put on this earth to accomplish. No one else, just you.

Once you are to that point (and to be fair, for some folks, it’s not that easy), you can decide what you think success means to you and to the life you’re living. Maybe it means achieving a certain position or career title. It could mean making a certain amount of money every year and living in the house and location of your dreams. It could also be as simple as raising 3 toddlers, maintaining your sanity and not having your house burn down by the end of the day. (A friend of mine with small children mentioned this once and I found it very humorous.)

The fact of the matter is, in order for you to feel if you are successful, you are the one and only person on this planet who can determine exactly what success means to you. Then and only then can you begin to know when you are achieving or have achieved success.

It’s also important to keep in mind that like other goals, success is organic and can (and should) be redefined as you move through life. Defining your success when you are a senior in high school, for example, will be very different for you after you have graduated from college.

Perhaps you are a newlywed, a new parent, a recently-promoted mid-level executive or a fledgling entrepreneur. Your definition of success will change as you move into your role, as well as your transition throughout that role. By keeping open to the idea that your success can only be defined by you, you will become more aware of the success that you create and can then set your success goals higher as you achieve what you had intended.

So, what do you feel that you need, at this time in your life, to be a success? Figure out what that looks like for you and you are on your way to your bliss.

On My Deathbed

no regretsFor so many years, I’ve been hearing stories and reading accounts of so many people who, on their deathbed, have expressed regret or remorse about not having lived their lives to the fullest. They did not go after their real passions. They did not chase their own dreams. They did not forgive someone else or themselves and held that grudge forever. They harbored ill feelings and never let them go.

In their final moments on this earth, they tell others how they don’t want them to make the same mistakes. You’ve heard the cliche “Live life to the fullest.” And yet, what are so many people still doing?

Exactly right. They are NOT chasing their dreams. They are NOT following their true passions. They are STILL harboring ill-will and unforgiveness to themselves or others.

What if, right now, I were to give you a gift? What if today, you suddenly found yourself on your deathbed? If you knew that you had less than 24 hours left on earth, what do you think you would regret the most? What have you not done that you wished you had? What would you have said to someone that has gone unsaid?

So, what’s this “gift” I’m offering to you? Well, for the vast majority of you reading this now, I can almost guarantee there’s an overwhelming probability that you have more than 24 hours left in your lifetime.

Consider this your wake-up call to really think ahead about those “future regrets” and actually have the opportunity to do something about them RIGHT NOW.

1) Make the conscious choice to change. Change your attitude. Change how you feel about someone or something. Change your idea that you can’t do something. Change your belief of what others think about you. Move out of your comfort zone and decide to go after what you really want in life. You can absolutely do all of these things.

2) Decide what is truly important to you in your life right now. Is there someone you want to get to know? Is there a career you’ve always wanted to pursue? Is there a trip that you’ve always wanted to take? Is there an activity you’ve always wanted to accomplish? Determine what you want to have, be or do and go do it. Now is the time, not later. There is no guarantee there will be a “later.”

3) Open yourself up to unlimited possibilities now and from this point forward. If you have limiting beliefs about what is possible, what you can (or can’t do), about what others will think about you, or what you are really able to accomplish, RETHINK them now. Those stories about your limitations are just that….made-up stories. Rewrite your book now and YOU can decide what you are truly capable of doing.

4) Clean up the past with yourself and others by forgiving and moving forward. A wonderful quote about not forgiving goes something like this. Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. You only punish yourself by harboring ill-feelings towards others, especially if it’s something that happened a long time ago. By forgiving, you are literally “giving for” yourself. You are letting go of hurt and anger that is very possibly not even affecting the other person that you think you’re directing it towards anyway. By not taking things personally to begin with, it’s easier to forgive, let go and move on.

Know that when that time comes, and you are on your deathbed, you have made the choices to live your life to the fullest, to accomplish your deepest desires, to live out your true passions, on your terms, and will leave this earth plane with no regrets.

Trust and “Being in the Moment”


I was thinking about when I was a kid and remembering all the fun stuff we used to do — roller skating, going to a local amusement park, playing outside with friends. I remember such joy, just always being in the moment. As a kid, very rarely did I ever plan ahead. Unless it was thinking about summer vacation and the annual family trip, or an upcoming birthday or Christmas, I hardly ever ventured into the future. It was always about experiencing and being in the moment.

What a great lesson to keep in mind. Be in the joy, savor the now, be like a kid again!

I remember when I took some solo trips, one to Toronto in April, and another to San Diego in June. Both of those trips were all about me letting go, trusting and surrendering to the moment. I often do travel by myself, but these two trips were particularly special. One was shortly after I lost my mother, and the other was after ending a rather long relationship.

I approached both visits as being a familiar stranger (having visited both cities before on numerous occasions), attempting to fit in and be just a casual observer. I opened myself up to whatever experiences would want to include me and want to invite me into its space.

I had no expectations, no agendas,and an unprecedented amount of trust in all whom I came in contact with. There was a valid reason for both trips, and while I see now what some of those reasons were, I still can’t fully say that I know all of them, yet.

Putting myself out there in such a vulnerable way could have (in another time and place), yielded disastrous results. Yet that had not been my initial intentions and nothing adverse happened on either trip. Rather, quite the contrary.

I still believe it had to do with trust. I set myself up to integrate myself into both cities, in all situations, among all the locals, and just become “one” with them. As Bob Krist, world-renown photographer calls it, I was trying to capture the “Spirit of Place.” And I know that it did happen.

While in San Diego, the main purpose of my trip was to primarily photograph everything I could for an entire week. My camera never left my hands. I wanted to discover the spirit of San Diego, her culture and her inhabitants. However, I now see that instead of just my photos capturing that Spirit, my very own essence and Spirit did the same thing.

By trusting and allowing for those experiences to become a part of me, I literally was able to live in the moment. My own Spirit unified with that Spirit of Place and I became the moments in which I was experiencing. Even those these trips were over eight years ago, I can vividly remember the emotions I felt during each one. That, I believe, is a testament to trusting and surrender.

Finally Getting “Being in the Moment”

now watchAfter so many years of reading about and hearing about being present, being in the moment, being the “I Am,” I believe that I finally am understanding it.

Staying in the present, being focused, and creating each moment has been making more and more sense to me, as I’ve been able to experience it more and more.

I’ve been able to make that connection with being present and releasing control and detaching from the outcomes.

It is clearer to me how I can set intentions, yet not be fully tied to a particular outcome of exactly how I wish it to be or how it should turn out in the end. By creating it, focusing on it, knowing it is so and releasing it, I can be more relaxed in my knowing and manifestation, especially when I sincerely believe and add, “this or something better, for the good of all involved.”

Maintaining a positive space and a loving energy around the intention, along with the manifestation process, has given me more insight into truly knowing and feeling whether or not it is right for me. I have also been able to more accurately determine whether or not the timing is also right as well.

Focusing on the now and being present has allowed more room for me to be grateful, enjoy the experience, open fully to being with my emotions, and connect with Spirit.

Living in the past rehashes old emotions, stories, blocks, and beliefs which aren’t serving my highest good. Learning a lesson, to me, means knowing how an event affected me, taking responsibility for it and making the necessary emotional adjustments to move forward into the now based on what I learned. Living in the future only creates expectations which can lead to negative (catabolic) energy and disappointment.

Embracing “being in the now” allows for greater insight, greater connection, greater knowing and much more inner peace. Worrying about the past or future does not allow the space for those positive (anabolic) things/events/people to come into one’s life.

Can you really know who you are when you are living in stories of the past or the future? If those pictures or stories are no longer true, or never were meant to be true, then you are not being your authentic, genuine self. You can only be who you are, in this present moment, standing in your truth, not in some made-up story of the past or future. Neither of those exist today.

Be your authentic self now, in this moment, as you experience being present. I am, and you are, right NOW.

Being For Me

When I ask myself who I am being and how I am showing up in this world, I have always thought of myself in relation to others as “a being of service.”  It has always been in the context of who do I need to be FOR others. dance

It suddenly dawned on me I should be thinking, who do I need to be for ME?

If I am to be the change I wish to see in the world (which is what I aspire to); if I am to be living as an example of being one with the Divine and living outwardly as my Divine Light, then I need to reaffirm who I am being before I can think of who I am being to others.

I ask myself, what, if anything, do I feel is missing from me now?  Am I taking care of my body, mind and health as I would like to be?  Am I centering and meditating as much as I’d like?  Am I truly being an example of how I wish to see others in the world?  If I answer honestly, the answer is “not really.”

I now see that what I want to be focusing on is the inner me, which will (in turn) then project outwardly to the world.

That is how I will then be able to be here for others and to “be the change that I wish to see in the world.”  By becoming who I wish to be, I could then lead by example.  Love, compassion, truth and beauty needs to be a part of me first and who I am projecting.  That is how I wish to show up in the world, in this moment in time on this Earth plane.

This is what I believe means to be genuine, authentic and walking the talk.  Being FOR me means I wish to do it for me first and embody it before I can share it and teach it to others.